Working the Tobacco In Between Bus Routes

Many hard-working hands have helped to get me where I am right now, from ancestors long before me, to more recent generations. I’ve only gotten to meet a handful of these folks, but my Mamaw, Bonnie, is one that I’ve been lucky enough to know and love. 

Mamaw passed away when I was only 13, but I can remember her enthusiastic attitude as if I had just seen her yesterday. 

“Standin’ around and talkin’ about it ain’t gonna get it done!” she’d say, laughing as she looked down the hill to see Dad and Papaw standing and chatting by the communal garage. 

Of course, she was only playing around. My Dad and Papaw worked just as hard as she always did. But even Dad and Papaw will tell you that Mamaw could work circles around them when she wanted to – which was often. Her banter was playful, but it still spoke volumes about her work ethic. 

I genuinely believe that this woman could do a little bit of everything. Just for the 13 years that I knew her, she’d mow the grass and weed eat, take care of the farm animals, and cut and load up firewood. She somehow managed to get all these tasks done while keeping her kitchen clean, and keeping snacks stocked in her cabinets for the grandchildren. 

No one could make a better peach cobbler than Mamaw, either. To people like my Mamaw, cooking was no more important than farming, and vice versa. It’s evident that work was not “gendered” for many Eastern Kentuckians. Mamaw was an excellent example of this. 

Papaw recently told me about a time when Mamaw worked as a school bus driver. Papaw worked in the mines at this time, getting up to leave for work at 4AM. He was gone in the morning before Mamaw even left for her first route, and he wouldn’t get home until as late as 7 or 8PM.

Instead of sitting down and watching TV or even doing house chores while she awaited her evening shift, Mamaw spent the day working an entire field of tobacco – alone. 

When Papaw arrived home from work, he was welcomed by Mamaw sitting in her chair, drinking some ice-cold water. “What have you been doing?” he asked, noticing her unusual fatigue.

She responded by telling him that she “worked the tobacco” all day.

My generation doesn’t see many tobacco fields anymore, but according to Dad, it’s a hot, laborious, tedious job. It’s a multi-step process that certainly doesn’t end in a single day’s work.

Dad said that this specific event was not out of the ordinary for Mamaw. In fact, Dad and Mamaw would often work the tobacco together. He also told me that this is how my grandparents paid for the farm – the beautiful, forested, peaceful area that I’m still living in today. 

This is just a small look at what my family did before me. This day and many days like it are why I have a college education, an amazing remote career, my partner, my pets – an overall sense of peace and an incredibly happy life. 

These are the tales I want to always remember. This is what Appalachia, and more specifically, Eastern Kentucky, means to many of us.

Thank you, Mamaw. I won’t ever forget what you’ve done to help give me the life that I’m living today.

A Mamaw’s Love

It’s been 13 years since I last saw my Mamaw outside of a dream.

My father’s mother, a lovely, spunky, and endlessly kind woman name Bonnie Sue. When I think of her, I smell coffee and I hear 90s country music. Her raspy, jolly laugh, fills my head, and I feel the firm grip of her warm hugs.

She lived right down the road from me, a simple bike ride away. My childhood was filled with her love, which was expressed through chocolate ice cream cones, games of “Old Maid,” and front-porch bird watching. Nothing felt more peaceful than swinging on her porch swing in the springtime.

As much as I cherish these memories, something about them always breaks my heart — and that’s the fact that they stretch no further than age 13.

This is what’s hard to stomach now that I’m 26 years old. It’s thinking about how I was always just a child when I interacted with my Mamaw. I never got to discuss college with her, introduce her to my fiancée, or show her my brand-new vehicle that I bought with my own money.

That’s the incomprehensible reality of death. All the landmark life events that I know she would have loved just slipped right on by without her.

And that’s not even to mention the smaller things I wish for, like taking walks with her on warm days after I get off work.

I am blessed beyond belief, but when I think of what I wish I had, it’s this: getting to know my Mamaw at the age I am right now.

I want to ask about her favorite songs. I want to hear so many stories that I know we just can’t access anymore. Every time my Papaw tells me a new story about him and my Mamaw, I cling onto it like it’s a brand-new book excerpt I’ve never read before. As a human, this is the closest I’ll ever get to hearing about what it was like to be my Mamaw.

Sometimes I wonder what she was like when she was also 26. I wonder how many of her traits have made it down the line to me. I wonder what she’s proud of me for and what she could have helped me do better.

All things considered, though I only got to know my Mamaw through a child’s eyes, there were certainly times that my adult self traveled time and peeked through.

Like after her cancer diagnosis, when I talked to her until she fell asleep holding my hand. Although she was sleeping, her grip felt as firm as it did when she’d hug me all those years before.

I saw her through adult eyes when she told me she was trying so hard to fight to stay because “I was so young” and she “didn’t want to put me through even more after my Poppy had just died.”

I saw her through adult eyes when I overheard the home health nurse tell my family how many times she should be breathing per minute, so I began to silently yet religiously time her breaths myself.

The woman I am now peered behind my child eyes and grieved for what I would never know — planting flowers together, dairy-free chocolate ice cream cones (thanks to my newfound lactose intolerance), and watching The Golden Girls with her and my fiancée, Shaina.

These are the moments I’d give up all my material possessions for.

Mamaw, I know you’re still here with me, and I’ll never stop feeling your love. But what hurts me the most is not being able to give that love back to you.

– Noel